The Tao of Me
1. Motivation
High levels of motivation come from doing what must be done. If you have an easier option you will take it. Avoidance is the killer of accomplishment. In order to move forward ignore the obstacles. Perceive obstacles as what they are only a means to wean out those who are not sure in the pursuit of a mission.
a. Proactive Must do’s
Organize and assign must do tasks. Must do tasks are independent of circumstances. They simply must be done. Hard or easy do not factor into must do’s. Can or cannot does not factor into must do’s! Help or solo does not factor into must do’s. Opinions of others do not factor into must do’s. Humans will only do what they must.
b. Artificially create your rock bottom.
Accept nothing less than the Goal. Just do it! No excuses, No fear, No failure. No longer accept comfortable. Create friction in the mediocrity that is customary to your daily existence.
c. Raise the bar
High standards are necessary for great rewards. Challenge begets excitement which begets energy which begets action. More is not a false delusion but a birthright. It must be acknowledge and claimed out of respect for it to be fully enjoyed.
Anger is misdirected passion!
Find your muse!
Get Mad!
Stand strong!
Create a fire in your belly!
Magic!
Step up your game!
Don’t Think do!
Time to Act!
Do what you must!
GOD DOES NOT TRY!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Criteria for Major Happy Episode
Five (or more) of the following symptoms have been present during the same 2-week period and represent a change from previous functioning; at least one of the symptoms is either (1) cheerful mood or (2) increase in interest or pleasure.
Note: Do not include symptoms that are clearly due to the affects of winning the lottery, delusions or hallucinations.
(1) Cheerful mood most of the day, nearly every day, as either indicated by subjective reports (e.g. feels happy or satisfied) or observations made by others (e.g. appears enthusiastic or felicitous). Note: In children and adolescents, can be excitable mood.
(2) Markedly increased pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly everyday (as indicated by either subjective account or observation made by others).
(3) Appropriate weight loss or gain (e.g. change of 1-2% in body weight in one month), or appropriate increase or decrease in appetite, depending on the situation (e.g. inexpensive all you can eat buffet, insect eating contest).
(4) 6-8 hours of sleep nearly everyday.
(5) Increased physical activity or minor aching due to physical activity nearly everyday.
(6) Increased energy or enthusiasm nearly everyday.
(7) Feeling of worth or appropriate pride nearly everyday (not merely satisfaction at not being as bad off as someone else).
(8) Increased ability to concentrate or think, or decisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others).
(9) Recurrent thoughts of life and future plans (not just of what to eat for the next meal), recurrent thoughts of future accomplishments or goals (with or without a specific plan).
B. The symptoms do not meet the criteria for mixed episode or life occurrences.
C. The symptoms cause significant benefit in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
D. The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition.
E. The symptoms are not better accounted for by publishers clearinghouse, birth of a child or recent marriage, the symptoms persist for longer than 2 months or are characterized by marked functional improvement or preoccupation with positive activities (e.g. reading, volunteer work, journaling, exercising or laughter).
Note: Do not include symptoms that are clearly due to the affects of winning the lottery, delusions or hallucinations.
(1) Cheerful mood most of the day, nearly every day, as either indicated by subjective reports (e.g. feels happy or satisfied) or observations made by others (e.g. appears enthusiastic or felicitous). Note: In children and adolescents, can be excitable mood.
(2) Markedly increased pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly everyday (as indicated by either subjective account or observation made by others).
(3) Appropriate weight loss or gain (e.g. change of 1-2% in body weight in one month), or appropriate increase or decrease in appetite, depending on the situation (e.g. inexpensive all you can eat buffet, insect eating contest).
(4) 6-8 hours of sleep nearly everyday.
(5) Increased physical activity or minor aching due to physical activity nearly everyday.
(6) Increased energy or enthusiasm nearly everyday.
(7) Feeling of worth or appropriate pride nearly everyday (not merely satisfaction at not being as bad off as someone else).
(8) Increased ability to concentrate or think, or decisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others).
(9) Recurrent thoughts of life and future plans (not just of what to eat for the next meal), recurrent thoughts of future accomplishments or goals (with or without a specific plan).
B. The symptoms do not meet the criteria for mixed episode or life occurrences.
C. The symptoms cause significant benefit in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
D. The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition.
E. The symptoms are not better accounted for by publishers clearinghouse, birth of a child or recent marriage, the symptoms persist for longer than 2 months or are characterized by marked functional improvement or preoccupation with positive activities (e.g. reading, volunteer work, journaling, exercising or laughter).
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
What makes you think you can?
A seemingly simple question that stops many would be self-improvers in their tracks. You stop and think yeah, what makes me think I (can insert dream). My fiancée refers to these incident and people who ask these types of questions as “Dream Squashers.” That is what it can be if you let it. But guess what you don’t have to let it. I am going the answer the question for you once and for all so when the “dream squashers” come a callin’ you can stand up tall and say “I think I can because…!”
An ant, a bumblebee, a slug, Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Michael Jordan, Anthony Robbins, Thomas Jefferson, Christopher Reeves, Stephen Hawking, YOU and ME!
What do all these animals and people have in common? They have all accomplished amazing feats. They have all done things that they should not have been able to do. The thought that the people on this short list, and there are many others that could be added (my parents, Coach B-my junior high football coach etc.), is that they were all just like me and you. They weren’t born successful or leaders. They became them after overcoming the odds and the question “what makes you think you can?” They went beyond reason and science. They have been able to do things that rules, laws and people say are impossible. Some of them I am sure overcame it by never allowing the question to creep up or simply because they didn’t know any better. Melvin Van Peebles tells a great story of becoming a writer, director and producer. He tells the story of doing all these things because he didn’t know any better. He didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to be able to do these things on his own. The same is true for many successful people they simply didn’t care they were not “supposed” to be able to run as a third party candidate and become the governor of Minnesota. Who decides what we are “supposed” to be able to accomplish? Who has the most credibility about what you can and cannot do? You do!
I have come up with a concept I call rebooting your mind. Have you ever had your computer not be able to start up and you have to go into safe mode. In this mode it gives you an option of starting the computer with settings from a previous date. You can pick a date before you had this problem. Maybe you see where I am going with this already. Sometimes you can just think back to a time when you were on track and feeling better than you are now and “reboot.” Start doing, thinking and acting like you did at that happy, successful time in your life.
If you ever need to convince yourself, do your research and just look around you. Nature and everyday life give us examples of why you should think you can do anything!
PS You have to do the research to figure out why the animals and people on the list are examples of what you can do.
An ant, a bumblebee, a slug, Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Michael Jordan, Anthony Robbins, Thomas Jefferson, Christopher Reeves, Stephen Hawking, YOU and ME!
What do all these animals and people have in common? They have all accomplished amazing feats. They have all done things that they should not have been able to do. The thought that the people on this short list, and there are many others that could be added (my parents, Coach B-my junior high football coach etc.), is that they were all just like me and you. They weren’t born successful or leaders. They became them after overcoming the odds and the question “what makes you think you can?” They went beyond reason and science. They have been able to do things that rules, laws and people say are impossible. Some of them I am sure overcame it by never allowing the question to creep up or simply because they didn’t know any better. Melvin Van Peebles tells a great story of becoming a writer, director and producer. He tells the story of doing all these things because he didn’t know any better. He didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to be able to do these things on his own. The same is true for many successful people they simply didn’t care they were not “supposed” to be able to run as a third party candidate and become the governor of Minnesota. Who decides what we are “supposed” to be able to accomplish? Who has the most credibility about what you can and cannot do? You do!
I have come up with a concept I call rebooting your mind. Have you ever had your computer not be able to start up and you have to go into safe mode. In this mode it gives you an option of starting the computer with settings from a previous date. You can pick a date before you had this problem. Maybe you see where I am going with this already. Sometimes you can just think back to a time when you were on track and feeling better than you are now and “reboot.” Start doing, thinking and acting like you did at that happy, successful time in your life.
If you ever need to convince yourself, do your research and just look around you. Nature and everyday life give us examples of why you should think you can do anything!
PS You have to do the research to figure out why the animals and people on the list are examples of what you can do.
Friday, October 1, 2010
The Relationship Equation
There have been studies done on relationships as far as what works and what doesn’t. I will give you information on both. First let’s talk about what has been proven to be present in relationships that do not last. This is according to John Gottman PH.D. in his book The Seven principles for Making a Marriage Work. In it he refers to the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. These four traits he found were present in relationships that did not last.
The first of these four traits being Contempt. Contempt is not only disgust for the person but a feeling of superiority. It is a sense that the other person is beneath you in some way.
The second trait is being Criticism. Criticism is different than complaining. Criticisms are personal attacks. Such as "Why are you so selfish?" They attack the person rather than complain about the behavior.
The third trait is Defensiveness. This is the constant defending of your beliefs, thoughts and actions.
The last one is Stonewalling. This is more common in the guys and it is simply shutting down. Things like the silent treatment or just refusing to have the conversation.
You can probably see how these traits would be detrimental to the health of a relationship. Even if you love someone, if you cannot show it in a positive way it can get lost in these negative traits. If allowed to build up it gets to the point where the other person’s opinion does not matter and therefore they do not matter. This makes mutual love and respect difficult to say the least.
Gottman also found another interesting fact. It was something he referred to as “Harsh Start-ups.” Harsh start-ups are when one person accuses or verbally attacks the other. It can be something like “What’s wrong with you?” Or “Did you get anything done today?” These types of conversation will have a 96% chance of ended poorly according to Gottman. Gottman suggests you start conversations with “Soft Start Ups.” Meaning let the person know what you liked and then make your complaint in a way that is specific and non-accusatory. For example: “Thank you for helping with the dishes, but when you wash the pans first it leaves streaks on the glasses from the grease”
Now let’s look at some more tools. In relationships there are lots of tools you can use to improve communication and increase the relative happiness within the relationship. I will give you a few. To make it easy to remember these tools, you can refer to the acronym TOOL TIME. I will explain them one by one.
T.O.O.L. T.I.M.E.
Time Outs: This is the act of taking a break when things get too heated. If you are in a discussion and each of you is getting more and more upset as time passes. It is time to take a break. Someone needs to step forward and say I am getting upset I need to take a break. Let the other person know you will be leaving or at least getting out of eye sight and ear shot of the other person. Designate a time that you will be gone and tell the other person you will be willing to discuss this topic again at a later time or date. This is done to each person time to cool down. If you are flooded with emotions it makes it difficult to have a rational conversation. So agree to take a break and come back and try again. You must develop the trust between one another so that you can know each will honor the agreement and do what they have stated.
The next tool is Observation. This means pay attention to how the other person and yourself are acting. Is your heart rate speeding up are you getting red in the face is the other person becoming more agitated? Also watch and see if the other person seems hurt or are they shutting down. The more physical signs you can become aware of in yourself and the other person the better you communication will be.
Listening is the next tool. Listen to what they are saying. Not only to the words but the tone of voice and the rate of speech are good indicators. A good rule to remember also is to pay attention to the Intent more than the content. Sometimes you have to decipher what the person is trying to say rather than going buy the specific words they are saying.
The next tool I refer to as Thankfulness or attitude. The attitude you have will come across in your conversation whether you want it to or not. You can control your mindset. I remember a good example was a friend of mines was having difficulty with his x-wife and would get upset every time he talked to her. He stated he felt like she was just trying to push his buttons. I asked him to do something for me. I told him to say “Thank You” every time he talked to her on the phone. I wanted him to thank her for his child. He may not like her or agree with her but he could not deny the fact that he was thankful for his child. This changed his attitude every time he spoke to her. He told me later that once he realized he could control his attitude and emotions “It was on.” He no longer “had” to get upset. He felt as though he could listen to her without the anger and frustration “taking over.” It was all done by simply changing his attitude.
Now we come to the next tool which is “I” statements. “I” statements are just that statements that start with I. You tell the person how you feel by say “I feel angry when you say I am undependable because I am trying really hard to do the things that I say I am going to do. In the future can you not say that I am undependable.” It is not accusatory it is a statement of how you feel. It is your feeling so it cannot be dismissed.
Meditation is a tool to help you calm your mind and become aware of more options and alternatives. Meditations does not have to be done sitting cross legged and humming it can be done by simply going someplace quiet and trying to empty your mind. It can be done in prayer or just reflecting while listening to soothing music. The idea is to listen to your inner voice so that you can gain access to the knowledge and awareness you have within you.
Last but not least is the Relationship Equation.
2P+R+I+N+R(n)= Results.
This may seem complicated but it really isn’t. It is something you are doing everyday already. You do this in every interaction you have. The formula breaks down like this: 2P= two people, R=relationship, I= interaction, N= a need, R(n)= reaction to a need and Results = happiness or unhappiness. You have a pattern of behavior in your relationships that you have established. It is how you get along and interact with the people that are close to you. So when there are two people who have a relationship and they have an interaction it is my theory that someone is expressing a need and then someone reacts to that need. This is the dance we do that is called relationships. Most of us do it now unaware of what patterns we have developed. For example if a couple is in a discussion and one person expresses they want to spend more time with the other, then we can break that down in the relationship equation like this.
N=More time
You must solve for R(n). What is your reaction to that need? It could be to say No, I don’t have any more time or dismiss the needs of the other person. This would cause a conflict and result in unhappiness. Your pattern could be to get defensive and try to explain how unreasonable the other person is being.
So part of the process is defining the need. There are many different needs people have. I will refer to four that Anthony Robbins has utilized in his work with people and personal development. These four needs are: Certainty, Significance, Variety and Connection/ Love. This is a start. I suggest that you begin this process by both you and your partner creating lists of ways your partner can satisfy these needs for you within the relationship. Come up with three for each. For example:
Certainty
1. Commit to spending specific time with me
2. Tell me you are committed to me and this relationship
3. Tell me why you want to be with me in this relationship
Significance
1. Tell me why I am special to you
2. Compliment me when we are alone and around others
3. Make special time for me
Variety
1. Surprise gifts
2. Leave me notes
3. Trips/ vacations
Connection/Love
1. Hold my hand
2. Date night
3. Tell me you Love me
Now you have a cheat sheet for one another. The great thing about this is that now you can be proactive. You don’t have to wait for the other person to express a need you can consistently do things at your pace to fulfill the needs of your partner. This is such an overlooked concept in relationships. So many times we expect the other person to just know what we want them to do or we don’t want to ask for them to do it. I believe you are able to develop a pattern that you want if you begin with a good foundation by letting each other know what your needs are. After practice hopefully it will become automatic and a habit you both will enjoy.
The Relationship Equation will also come in handy until you have established this pattern. Using the same example as before if one person is asking for more time, the other person can look to his list to decide what his reaction to that need will be. What happens if you know what the need is and you do not want to fulfill it. What if you feel the request is unreasonable? For example in the example above the person feels that planning dates is unreasonable. They feel as though they should not have to prove their love. Then that person must decide why is that request so unreasonable to them. Is there a compromise? Can they plan dates on a regular basis but on their own time schedule. It will be important for the person to be able to express this to their partner. They must let the partner know they intend to and desire to make the relationships work. They must be able to express what they are willing to do and be willing to negotiate a solution that is suitable to both parties. This is where your natural creativity comes into play. Brainstorm ways to satisfy the needs, collaborate with one another and come to a mutually agreed upon solution that can be done.
It is important to remember the love that is shared in the relationship. You embarked on your relationship with one another because you wanted to be a part of something bigger than yourself. You wanted to share your life with this special someone. Remember relationships are meant to be fun and exciting. Love is supposed to be warm and enjoyable. It can be all of these things if we are willing to share the responsibility of nurturing the relationship into something so strong it is a source of positive energy for both of you. It can be an example of what relationships are supposed to be like to friends, family and children. This is the type of relationship we all can have.
The first of these four traits being Contempt. Contempt is not only disgust for the person but a feeling of superiority. It is a sense that the other person is beneath you in some way.
The second trait is being Criticism. Criticism is different than complaining. Criticisms are personal attacks. Such as "Why are you so selfish?" They attack the person rather than complain about the behavior.
The third trait is Defensiveness. This is the constant defending of your beliefs, thoughts and actions.
The last one is Stonewalling. This is more common in the guys and it is simply shutting down. Things like the silent treatment or just refusing to have the conversation.
You can probably see how these traits would be detrimental to the health of a relationship. Even if you love someone, if you cannot show it in a positive way it can get lost in these negative traits. If allowed to build up it gets to the point where the other person’s opinion does not matter and therefore they do not matter. This makes mutual love and respect difficult to say the least.
Gottman also found another interesting fact. It was something he referred to as “Harsh Start-ups.” Harsh start-ups are when one person accuses or verbally attacks the other. It can be something like “What’s wrong with you?” Or “Did you get anything done today?” These types of conversation will have a 96% chance of ended poorly according to Gottman. Gottman suggests you start conversations with “Soft Start Ups.” Meaning let the person know what you liked and then make your complaint in a way that is specific and non-accusatory. For example: “Thank you for helping with the dishes, but when you wash the pans first it leaves streaks on the glasses from the grease”
Now let’s look at some more tools. In relationships there are lots of tools you can use to improve communication and increase the relative happiness within the relationship. I will give you a few. To make it easy to remember these tools, you can refer to the acronym TOOL TIME. I will explain them one by one.
T.O.O.L. T.I.M.E.
Time Outs: This is the act of taking a break when things get too heated. If you are in a discussion and each of you is getting more and more upset as time passes. It is time to take a break. Someone needs to step forward and say I am getting upset I need to take a break. Let the other person know you will be leaving or at least getting out of eye sight and ear shot of the other person. Designate a time that you will be gone and tell the other person you will be willing to discuss this topic again at a later time or date. This is done to each person time to cool down. If you are flooded with emotions it makes it difficult to have a rational conversation. So agree to take a break and come back and try again. You must develop the trust between one another so that you can know each will honor the agreement and do what they have stated.
The next tool is Observation. This means pay attention to how the other person and yourself are acting. Is your heart rate speeding up are you getting red in the face is the other person becoming more agitated? Also watch and see if the other person seems hurt or are they shutting down. The more physical signs you can become aware of in yourself and the other person the better you communication will be.
Listening is the next tool. Listen to what they are saying. Not only to the words but the tone of voice and the rate of speech are good indicators. A good rule to remember also is to pay attention to the Intent more than the content. Sometimes you have to decipher what the person is trying to say rather than going buy the specific words they are saying.
The next tool I refer to as Thankfulness or attitude. The attitude you have will come across in your conversation whether you want it to or not. You can control your mindset. I remember a good example was a friend of mines was having difficulty with his x-wife and would get upset every time he talked to her. He stated he felt like she was just trying to push his buttons. I asked him to do something for me. I told him to say “Thank You” every time he talked to her on the phone. I wanted him to thank her for his child. He may not like her or agree with her but he could not deny the fact that he was thankful for his child. This changed his attitude every time he spoke to her. He told me later that once he realized he could control his attitude and emotions “It was on.” He no longer “had” to get upset. He felt as though he could listen to her without the anger and frustration “taking over.” It was all done by simply changing his attitude.
Now we come to the next tool which is “I” statements. “I” statements are just that statements that start with I. You tell the person how you feel by say “I feel angry when you say I am undependable because I am trying really hard to do the things that I say I am going to do. In the future can you not say that I am undependable.” It is not accusatory it is a statement of how you feel. It is your feeling so it cannot be dismissed.
Meditation is a tool to help you calm your mind and become aware of more options and alternatives. Meditations does not have to be done sitting cross legged and humming it can be done by simply going someplace quiet and trying to empty your mind. It can be done in prayer or just reflecting while listening to soothing music. The idea is to listen to your inner voice so that you can gain access to the knowledge and awareness you have within you.
Last but not least is the Relationship Equation.
2P+R+I+N+R(n)= Results.
This may seem complicated but it really isn’t. It is something you are doing everyday already. You do this in every interaction you have. The formula breaks down like this: 2P= two people, R=relationship, I= interaction, N= a need, R(n)= reaction to a need and Results = happiness or unhappiness. You have a pattern of behavior in your relationships that you have established. It is how you get along and interact with the people that are close to you. So when there are two people who have a relationship and they have an interaction it is my theory that someone is expressing a need and then someone reacts to that need. This is the dance we do that is called relationships. Most of us do it now unaware of what patterns we have developed. For example if a couple is in a discussion and one person expresses they want to spend more time with the other, then we can break that down in the relationship equation like this.
N=More time
You must solve for R(n). What is your reaction to that need? It could be to say No, I don’t have any more time or dismiss the needs of the other person. This would cause a conflict and result in unhappiness. Your pattern could be to get defensive and try to explain how unreasonable the other person is being.
So part of the process is defining the need. There are many different needs people have. I will refer to four that Anthony Robbins has utilized in his work with people and personal development. These four needs are: Certainty, Significance, Variety and Connection/ Love. This is a start. I suggest that you begin this process by both you and your partner creating lists of ways your partner can satisfy these needs for you within the relationship. Come up with three for each. For example:
Certainty
1. Commit to spending specific time with me
2. Tell me you are committed to me and this relationship
3. Tell me why you want to be with me in this relationship
Significance
1. Tell me why I am special to you
2. Compliment me when we are alone and around others
3. Make special time for me
Variety
1. Surprise gifts
2. Leave me notes
3. Trips/ vacations
Connection/Love
1. Hold my hand
2. Date night
3. Tell me you Love me
Now you have a cheat sheet for one another. The great thing about this is that now you can be proactive. You don’t have to wait for the other person to express a need you can consistently do things at your pace to fulfill the needs of your partner. This is such an overlooked concept in relationships. So many times we expect the other person to just know what we want them to do or we don’t want to ask for them to do it. I believe you are able to develop a pattern that you want if you begin with a good foundation by letting each other know what your needs are. After practice hopefully it will become automatic and a habit you both will enjoy.
The Relationship Equation will also come in handy until you have established this pattern. Using the same example as before if one person is asking for more time, the other person can look to his list to decide what his reaction to that need will be. What happens if you know what the need is and you do not want to fulfill it. What if you feel the request is unreasonable? For example in the example above the person feels that planning dates is unreasonable. They feel as though they should not have to prove their love. Then that person must decide why is that request so unreasonable to them. Is there a compromise? Can they plan dates on a regular basis but on their own time schedule. It will be important for the person to be able to express this to their partner. They must let the partner know they intend to and desire to make the relationships work. They must be able to express what they are willing to do and be willing to negotiate a solution that is suitable to both parties. This is where your natural creativity comes into play. Brainstorm ways to satisfy the needs, collaborate with one another and come to a mutually agreed upon solution that can be done.
It is important to remember the love that is shared in the relationship. You embarked on your relationship with one another because you wanted to be a part of something bigger than yourself. You wanted to share your life with this special someone. Remember relationships are meant to be fun and exciting. Love is supposed to be warm and enjoyable. It can be all of these things if we are willing to share the responsibility of nurturing the relationship into something so strong it is a source of positive energy for both of you. It can be an example of what relationships are supposed to be like to friends, family and children. This is the type of relationship we all can have.
Monday, July 19, 2010
8 Pillars for Change
1. Mutuality
If you want to be like someone then you must find out what they do and recognize what you do that is similar. Recognize what you do that is different and change. If you realize that you do not have to reinvent the wheel things get easier. If one person has been able to do something then we can figure out how to do it for ourselves. Now I am not saying everyone can be Michael Jordan, there are physical limitations but if you have the skill set and the physical ability then you can replicate the achievements of others. The book by Napoleon Hill called Think and Grow Rich is a perfect example of this. Mr. Hill spent over 20 years interviewing the captains of industry to determine the keys to their success. Many people have used his book as a guide to success.
2. Future Perspective
What if you could develop enough wealth so that your family would be taken care of for generations? You ask yourself a question with the future you desire in mind. Then you act with the end in mind. You take actions that move you closer to this goal. It is the idea of increasing your drive, desire, anticipation and faith. It is a way to continuously raise the bar and challenge yourself.
3. Guarantee.
What if you were guaranteed to succeed at whatever you did? What would you try? You are guaranteed to fail if you don’t try, so how do we know we will not succeed if we do not try. I like to think of this one in this sense of acting as if failure is not an option. What would you do? How motivated would you be? Keenan Ivory Wayans tells a great story of this in the DVD The Black List. He tells the story of when he was starting out as a writer and director. His parents wanted him to go to school. They wanted him to go to school so he had a “back up” plan. Keenan Wayans said that he knew if he had to survive without a “net” or back up plan he would be more motivated and he would have to succeed because he had no choice. It worked for him and it is a principle that will work for you.
4. Support
What if you had all the support you needed to do anything you wanted? What would you do? It has happened to me time and again and you hear accounts from many successful people of the same thing. When you start out on the path you may not know how you will complete the journey but the information that you need and the support you need, will show up. This book is a perfect example of this phenomenon. As I started to write the information and the people necessary for its completion showed up right on time. It got to the point where I just began to expect it. Books I had in my library for years all of a sudden had the bit of information I was looking for. Friends I had not seen in years showed up with expertise in areas I needed help in. New friendships were developed that allowed me to get the information and guidance I needed for certain chapters. It sounds coincidental but it is not.
“The universe responds to your vibrations” Wayne Dyer.
5. Motion
What if you had to do something? Guess what you do. You are going to do something whether you like it or not. Why not do something you like, and you choose! Shape your life to be how you want it. I know that goes against popular movies and politics, but you can do this. It has been done by many others and is being done this moment by many more. It can be you too if you choose.
6. Mortality.
What if someone was going to die? Would you do it then? Well guess what, the truth of the matter is you are going to die at some point. We are all going to die at some point and none of us knows the hour or the day. Don’t wait until it is too late. When I say too late I mean when you are dead. If you are breathing it is not too late. I call my mother on a weekly basis and my step father answers the phone sometimes. I always ask him how he is doing and he always says “I’m still breathing.” If you are still breathing, you can change your life. If you are reading this book it is not too late!
7. Pleasure
What if it would bring you great pleasure? It will bring you pleasure beyond your imagination to have the life you have dreamed of but refused to go after for fear of disappointment. To have the success and joy of living a life that is congruent with who you truly are. Confucius has a saying that goes something like this “A man who loves his work will never work another day in his life.” That is what reading this book and making the improvements can do for you. It can bring you in contact with the life you have felt you should be living.
8. Positivity.
What if you could only think of the positives involved with changing your life? I am not asking you to ignore the negatives. It is ok to weigh them into the total equation but what is going to get you off your but and moving are thoughts of the rewards. Better yet thoughts of the emotions connected to the rewards. What would it feel like to not have to worry about how the bills are going to be paid? To not worry about whether your relationship is secure. To know you are moving in a direction that will not only bring you success and joy but it will provide an example for those you love to follow so that they may achieve their goals and dreams.
These are my eight Pillars for change. They are the foundation to producing positive changes in your life. They have motivated me and kept me going when I was discouraged. I know they can help you too. Post them somewhere prominent as you read through the rest of the book. Refer to it often and create your own pillars. Personalize the list to apply to your current situation. It is you life. Take charge of it and be amazed by what happens!
Affirmation
I know now that I have access to all the resources I need in order to achieve all that I desire!
If you want to be like someone then you must find out what they do and recognize what you do that is similar. Recognize what you do that is different and change. If you realize that you do not have to reinvent the wheel things get easier. If one person has been able to do something then we can figure out how to do it for ourselves. Now I am not saying everyone can be Michael Jordan, there are physical limitations but if you have the skill set and the physical ability then you can replicate the achievements of others. The book by Napoleon Hill called Think and Grow Rich is a perfect example of this. Mr. Hill spent over 20 years interviewing the captains of industry to determine the keys to their success. Many people have used his book as a guide to success.
2. Future Perspective
What if you could develop enough wealth so that your family would be taken care of for generations? You ask yourself a question with the future you desire in mind. Then you act with the end in mind. You take actions that move you closer to this goal. It is the idea of increasing your drive, desire, anticipation and faith. It is a way to continuously raise the bar and challenge yourself.
3. Guarantee.
What if you were guaranteed to succeed at whatever you did? What would you try? You are guaranteed to fail if you don’t try, so how do we know we will not succeed if we do not try. I like to think of this one in this sense of acting as if failure is not an option. What would you do? How motivated would you be? Keenan Ivory Wayans tells a great story of this in the DVD The Black List. He tells the story of when he was starting out as a writer and director. His parents wanted him to go to school. They wanted him to go to school so he had a “back up” plan. Keenan Wayans said that he knew if he had to survive without a “net” or back up plan he would be more motivated and he would have to succeed because he had no choice. It worked for him and it is a principle that will work for you.
4. Support
What if you had all the support you needed to do anything you wanted? What would you do? It has happened to me time and again and you hear accounts from many successful people of the same thing. When you start out on the path you may not know how you will complete the journey but the information that you need and the support you need, will show up. This book is a perfect example of this phenomenon. As I started to write the information and the people necessary for its completion showed up right on time. It got to the point where I just began to expect it. Books I had in my library for years all of a sudden had the bit of information I was looking for. Friends I had not seen in years showed up with expertise in areas I needed help in. New friendships were developed that allowed me to get the information and guidance I needed for certain chapters. It sounds coincidental but it is not.
“The universe responds to your vibrations” Wayne Dyer.
5. Motion
What if you had to do something? Guess what you do. You are going to do something whether you like it or not. Why not do something you like, and you choose! Shape your life to be how you want it. I know that goes against popular movies and politics, but you can do this. It has been done by many others and is being done this moment by many more. It can be you too if you choose.
6. Mortality.
What if someone was going to die? Would you do it then? Well guess what, the truth of the matter is you are going to die at some point. We are all going to die at some point and none of us knows the hour or the day. Don’t wait until it is too late. When I say too late I mean when you are dead. If you are breathing it is not too late. I call my mother on a weekly basis and my step father answers the phone sometimes. I always ask him how he is doing and he always says “I’m still breathing.” If you are still breathing, you can change your life. If you are reading this book it is not too late!
7. Pleasure
What if it would bring you great pleasure? It will bring you pleasure beyond your imagination to have the life you have dreamed of but refused to go after for fear of disappointment. To have the success and joy of living a life that is congruent with who you truly are. Confucius has a saying that goes something like this “A man who loves his work will never work another day in his life.” That is what reading this book and making the improvements can do for you. It can bring you in contact with the life you have felt you should be living.
8. Positivity.
What if you could only think of the positives involved with changing your life? I am not asking you to ignore the negatives. It is ok to weigh them into the total equation but what is going to get you off your but and moving are thoughts of the rewards. Better yet thoughts of the emotions connected to the rewards. What would it feel like to not have to worry about how the bills are going to be paid? To not worry about whether your relationship is secure. To know you are moving in a direction that will not only bring you success and joy but it will provide an example for those you love to follow so that they may achieve their goals and dreams.
These are my eight Pillars for change. They are the foundation to producing positive changes in your life. They have motivated me and kept me going when I was discouraged. I know they can help you too. Post them somewhere prominent as you read through the rest of the book. Refer to it often and create your own pillars. Personalize the list to apply to your current situation. It is you life. Take charge of it and be amazed by what happens!
Affirmation
I know now that I have access to all the resources I need in order to achieve all that I desire!
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Getting out of Survival Mode
All of us have been there at one point and time. Survival mode or the survival mind cycle is short sighted, myopic and ego centered. It is full of doubt and fear. It is that place and time when you are simply waiting for the other shoe to fall. Some people like to say they are preparing for the worst. It is the idea of the cup being half empty. In survival mode you can not understand the higher stages of development.
This became clear to me in my life and as I attempted to help others. They would get frustrated because I was trying to explain how identifying ones true identity is necessary to build a strong foundation. I would also try to get the person beyond the crisis at hand and thinking about who they truly were or wanted to be. I tried to convince people that if they discovered and developed their lives so that they were living in congruence with who they really were, all the trivial things and issues would get taken care of in the process. I did this to no avail because if you are on the survival mind cycle you could care less about developing your true identity. It is like trying to teach a baby to drive. They do not have the capacity mentally or physically to do it. This is not meant to demean anyone it is a fact. If you are unemployed and struggling to pay rent it is very difficult to convince you that you should discover your true identity.
I also noticed that when we discussed solutions to these crisis situations the person was more open to the higher development topics. With this in mind I decided that information is the key. Many people are not ready for this lesson at the beginning but hopefully by the end you will be. You must get out of survival mode to go to the next level. The next level is full of self discovery. It is freedom from the cycle of survival mode.
In order to get out of the survival mode try this process. First you must have the DESIRE to get out of survival mode. This sounds simple for who would want to stay in survival mode? Lots of people! If you don’t know any better or it is comfortable for you, then you may want to stay here just for those reasons. It is amazing what a person can get used to! This is not an automatic thought you must honesty desire to get out of this cycle.
Next, you must have an OPEN MIND. This means you must believe it is possible to live without constantly worrying about what is going to go wrong. Napolean Hill refers to it as PMA (positive mental attitude). Viktor Frankl refers to it as expecting a positive outcome. I highly suggest either one of these authors, but I will get to that in the next step. Do not limit your thoughts to what could go wrong. Spend some time worrying about what could go right. I have a saying and it goes like this: “Some people would rather be right and unhappy than wrong and happy, don’t be like some people!” This means instead of setting high goals and getting disappointed (but moving forward) we would rather not get our expectations too high or expect the worse and be right when things go wrong. Can you see how this sets the wheels in motion for this survival mind cycle I am referring to?
Third you must have the KNOWLEDGE that you can overcome whatever challenges life throws your way. Knowledge includes getting the information you need and taking action. If you need more motivation get a book. I have suggested two authors above and there are many more great ones out there. In my book I refer to statements or affirmations that let you begin to acknowledge your new mindset. These are statements like. I know now that I can overcome any situation. I know now that I will do whatever it takes to improve my relationships. These are just two examples.
Now you are the DOK-tor (Desire, Open minded and Knowledge).
To make it even easier you take each issue or crisis and break it down into Big (Macro) actions and Little (Micro) actions. I suggest you do this as follows.
MACRO MICRO
Under the Macro list you put your Big picture goal. It could be anything from getting a new job to improving your relationship with your spouse or children. Under the micro section put four little things you can do that would help you in the achievement of your Macro goal. Now, give the four things a number from hardest thing to easiest (1 being the hardest). Do number four first, since it is the easiest. As number four becomes routine you drop it off the list and add another item so you have four. Then do number four again. Nothing in this precludes you from doing more than one thing from your micro list at a time. You will find you are moving closer and closer to your goal with each action.
No one but you needs to know about your list if you do not wish to share. You must look at your list at least three times a day at the beginning. Do not get down on yourself if you do not do it everyday or get it right. The idea is to do your best.
Analyze what you have accomplished each day and work to get better and better every day. Matter of fact; tell yourself “everyday in every way I will get better and better” (Jose Silva Method).
Here is an example:
Macro
Getting a Job.
Micro
I can get up at 7am like I had a job. Do what I would do if I was going to work to get ready then go look for a job. (2)
Talk to people employers about getting a job. Networking groups are great for this. Most jobs are gotten through networking (Cheryl Richardson). (3)
Get information. Read a book/ blog for motivation or ideas. Napolean Hill Think and Grow Rich or Stephen Covey Seven Habits of Highly Effective People are but two possibilities. (4)
Learn a new skill. Take a class to enhance your marketability. (1)
In this example you would start with getting information. Personalizes it and make it your own these are only guidelines. If you can do all four things then do it, it will only speed up the process of realizing your goal and getting you off the survival mind cycle.
You will be surprised at how little things become big things eventually. It is amazing how much simpler big problem seem if you break them down into little steps. This is no secret we have all done it before, we just need a little reminding. This is your reminder. After you get this down we will get into the discovery of your true identity!
This became clear to me in my life and as I attempted to help others. They would get frustrated because I was trying to explain how identifying ones true identity is necessary to build a strong foundation. I would also try to get the person beyond the crisis at hand and thinking about who they truly were or wanted to be. I tried to convince people that if they discovered and developed their lives so that they were living in congruence with who they really were, all the trivial things and issues would get taken care of in the process. I did this to no avail because if you are on the survival mind cycle you could care less about developing your true identity. It is like trying to teach a baby to drive. They do not have the capacity mentally or physically to do it. This is not meant to demean anyone it is a fact. If you are unemployed and struggling to pay rent it is very difficult to convince you that you should discover your true identity.
I also noticed that when we discussed solutions to these crisis situations the person was more open to the higher development topics. With this in mind I decided that information is the key. Many people are not ready for this lesson at the beginning but hopefully by the end you will be. You must get out of survival mode to go to the next level. The next level is full of self discovery. It is freedom from the cycle of survival mode.
In order to get out of the survival mode try this process. First you must have the DESIRE to get out of survival mode. This sounds simple for who would want to stay in survival mode? Lots of people! If you don’t know any better or it is comfortable for you, then you may want to stay here just for those reasons. It is amazing what a person can get used to! This is not an automatic thought you must honesty desire to get out of this cycle.
Next, you must have an OPEN MIND. This means you must believe it is possible to live without constantly worrying about what is going to go wrong. Napolean Hill refers to it as PMA (positive mental attitude). Viktor Frankl refers to it as expecting a positive outcome. I highly suggest either one of these authors, but I will get to that in the next step. Do not limit your thoughts to what could go wrong. Spend some time worrying about what could go right. I have a saying and it goes like this: “Some people would rather be right and unhappy than wrong and happy, don’t be like some people!” This means instead of setting high goals and getting disappointed (but moving forward) we would rather not get our expectations too high or expect the worse and be right when things go wrong. Can you see how this sets the wheels in motion for this survival mind cycle I am referring to?
Third you must have the KNOWLEDGE that you can overcome whatever challenges life throws your way. Knowledge includes getting the information you need and taking action. If you need more motivation get a book. I have suggested two authors above and there are many more great ones out there. In my book I refer to statements or affirmations that let you begin to acknowledge your new mindset. These are statements like. I know now that I can overcome any situation. I know now that I will do whatever it takes to improve my relationships. These are just two examples.
Now you are the DOK-tor (Desire, Open minded and Knowledge).
To make it even easier you take each issue or crisis and break it down into Big (Macro) actions and Little (Micro) actions. I suggest you do this as follows.
MACRO MICRO
Under the Macro list you put your Big picture goal. It could be anything from getting a new job to improving your relationship with your spouse or children. Under the micro section put four little things you can do that would help you in the achievement of your Macro goal. Now, give the four things a number from hardest thing to easiest (1 being the hardest). Do number four first, since it is the easiest. As number four becomes routine you drop it off the list and add another item so you have four. Then do number four again. Nothing in this precludes you from doing more than one thing from your micro list at a time. You will find you are moving closer and closer to your goal with each action.
No one but you needs to know about your list if you do not wish to share. You must look at your list at least three times a day at the beginning. Do not get down on yourself if you do not do it everyday or get it right. The idea is to do your best.
Analyze what you have accomplished each day and work to get better and better every day. Matter of fact; tell yourself “everyday in every way I will get better and better” (Jose Silva Method).
Here is an example:
Macro
Getting a Job.
Micro
I can get up at 7am like I had a job. Do what I would do if I was going to work to get ready then go look for a job. (2)
Talk to people employers about getting a job. Networking groups are great for this. Most jobs are gotten through networking (Cheryl Richardson). (3)
Get information. Read a book/ blog for motivation or ideas. Napolean Hill Think and Grow Rich or Stephen Covey Seven Habits of Highly Effective People are but two possibilities. (4)
Learn a new skill. Take a class to enhance your marketability. (1)
In this example you would start with getting information. Personalizes it and make it your own these are only guidelines. If you can do all four things then do it, it will only speed up the process of realizing your goal and getting you off the survival mind cycle.
You will be surprised at how little things become big things eventually. It is amazing how much simpler big problem seem if you break them down into little steps. This is no secret we have all done it before, we just need a little reminding. This is your reminder. After you get this down we will get into the discovery of your true identity!
My P.A. C. T.
I guess before I get too far into this blog I should give you my philosophy or as I like to call it My PACT.
Passionate: I am passionate about information and believe in what I write and teach.
Adamant: I am strong in my conviction to help others through the sharing of information by any means necessary. I practice what I preach and walk the walk.
Confident: I am confident that the information I have gathered will help anyone who is open and honest with themselves and others. I can't teach something I don't believe in.
Translates: All the information and ideas I will share with you will translate. That means I have tried it myself and used it to help others. Good information and good ideas have this common denominator. For the ideas to be of use they must translate to more than one situation and one person. That is my goal and I hope you will find it true. I do not expect you to take my word for it. Challenge what I say and try it for yourself. If it does not translate, let me know and dare me to try again! I Love a challenge!!
Passionate: I am passionate about information and believe in what I write and teach.
Adamant: I am strong in my conviction to help others through the sharing of information by any means necessary. I practice what I preach and walk the walk.
Confident: I am confident that the information I have gathered will help anyone who is open and honest with themselves and others. I can't teach something I don't believe in.
Translates: All the information and ideas I will share with you will translate. That means I have tried it myself and used it to help others. Good information and good ideas have this common denominator. For the ideas to be of use they must translate to more than one situation and one person. That is my goal and I hope you will find it true. I do not expect you to take my word for it. Challenge what I say and try it for yourself. If it does not translate, let me know and dare me to try again! I Love a challenge!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)